The Guilt Trap

Tuesday was my first day back at work.  I was up and out of the house at 5:50, before the kids were up.  It was tough.  I would say even tougher than when I went back to work when Mini Muffin was one.  I missed them both terribly... like to the point that I'm seriously questioning whether or not I can actually handle this working mom gig again.  I left work a bit early and booted it across the city to pick up my loves.  Of course they'd both had wonderful days (unlike their guilt ridden mother).  Poor Little Smiling Man though, he really is a bit overwhelmed.  He looked at me, smiled, and then burst into inconsolable tears.  Poor wee mite.

By bedtime, Little Smiling Man was not smiley in the least, and had a fever.  In the morning it was a bit lower but definitely still there, so I called in and stayed home with him.  It ended up being the right decision since a) he was miserable, and b) his fever had spiked back up by 10am.  He was feverish again at bedtime, and again this morning.  And so, today is my third day of work, and also marks my second day home with a sick baby.  67% absenteeism.  Yikes! 

So, here is the guilt trap I'm stuck in.  When I leave for work, I'm full to overflowing with mommy guilt for leaving Mini Muffin and Little Smiling Man in daycare.  I'm not with them all day long, it's a busy and sometimes stressful environment, some of the kids teach them things we'd rather they not do (like Mini Muffin's new found ability to make herself belch - ugh), and I miss them terribly.  Yet, when I stay home with them I have work guilt, for being home when I'm healthy and capable of working.  I also have guilt that I love these extra stolen moments with the babes; the only reason that these moments are available is because they're sick and I desperately want them to be healthy and happy.

See my problem?  I just cannot win.  Guilt for going to work, and guilt for staying home.  Luckily though, I can see it for what it is, and since there's no winning I might as well just roll with it.  So for today, I am enjoying all of these extra Little Smiling Man cuddles while he gets better, and tomorrow I'll try once again for my second guilt ridden day at work.

End of an Era

Well, it's official.  Effective tomorrow morning, I will be back at work full time.  I'm heartbroken to be leaving these little ones for such long and regular stretches of time, and the whole thing is frankly making me anxious.  But, we'll give it a try and see how it goes.

One of the many, many things that I'll miss is making mommy-daughter handprint paintings with Mini Muffin before 7am!

Dinosaurs on the Stairs?

Mini Muffin's imagination has been flourishing lately.  She's doing really well at independent, creative play, and loves pretending to be various animals and creatures.  Frogs, puppies, tigers and dinosaurs feature heavily, as do Anna and Elsa from Frozen of course!

Her imagination has also been encroaching on dinner time recently.  One of her new dinner procrastination techniques is seeing a "scary dinosaur", and either running away, or being so distracted by it that she can't/won't eat.  I love her use of imagination and certainly don't want to interrupt it, but I also need her to eat dinner (and stop distracting her brother from his dinner with screams, roars, and the like!)... What to do?

One evening I found a solution that's working perfectly (for now) - I turned to the dinosaur and gave it a serious talk.  I explained that Mini Muffin was having dinner, and that he needed to leave her alone so she could eat her healthy supper and grow big and strong.  I told the dinosaur that if he couldn't do that, he'd have to go sit on the step. (Background: When Mini Muffin is struggling with big emotions we sit with her on the step and take deep breaths and talk until we can resume normal play.)  The dinosaur was even talking back a bit - cheeky guy! So, I sent him to the step until dinner was over. 

Can you spot the dinosaur?

Mini Muffin looked at the step regularly, and we talked about how even dinosaurs have to behave at supper time.  After dinner, the dinosaur didn't seem to be an issue anymore, though every couple of days I find myself sending some creature or another to sit on the stairs during meals, snacks or at nap time.  Things you never thought you'd find yourself doing...

Mini Organizational Project

This week, I finally got around to an organisational project that's been hanging over my head - Little Smiling Man's diaper changing station.  Just like his sister, he was cloth diapered.  Mini Muffin was cloth diapered until 18 months when I wanted a few months of laundry break before Little Smiling Man's arrival.  Although I was sorry to give it up, the timing for us was right.  For Little Smiling Man, I regretfully had to stop cloth diapering him at 9 months.  With his allergies and super sensitive skin, cloth diapers presented one too many variables for my troubleshooting process.  That, and adding liners to protect the diapers against the almost constant use of both prescription and zinc creams became very tricky with my wiggly change table acrobat!  Three months later, it was definitely time to update his change station from cloth diaper configuration to our current reality of lots of creams and disposable diapers. 

My other piece of motivation - the old configuration was cloth diapers in the drawer, and disposable diapers and creams on top of his clothing shelf.  My little guy now loves pulling whatever he can reach down from any surface he can find.  What a mess... and it's only a matter of time before he figures out how to get into the creams!  So, I decided to pack away the cloth diapers, and move all of our diaper changing gear into the drawer.  Clean surfaces are the way to go with this guy!

Diapers waiting to be packed away

Top of shelves - lots for little boys to get into!

The process was pretty quick in the end; I have no idea why I put it off for so long!  And, I now have an organized and convenient drawer for all of our diaper changing needs.  My stash of 26 pocket diapers (which I love and am still sad to not be using), are all snug in a vacuum packed bag in my linen closet, ready to go whenever they are next required.   

After - everything is happily inaccessible to little hands

Packed up until next time!

And, I feel great that it's finally done! 

Creamy Cauliflower (fake potato) Salad

Confession time - I have never really liked potato salad.  I'll pause to let the gasps die down and this tidbit settle in.  It's not that I don't like the taste, it's more a texture thing with boiled potatoes for me.  Sometimes the store bought varieties are okay, but let's face it, who knows what's in those!

Last weekend when we fired up the bbq, the thought of potato salad came back.  My husband has been eyeing it up in the grocery store, and now that we're grilling again I know it's high on his cravings list.  Luckily, I was recently chatting with a  mommy friend about kids and veggies, and she mentioned that the only way she could get her family to eat cauliflower was via a mock potato salad recipe.  And with that, the seed was planted and the hunt for a delicious recipe was on!

I must say, the first few recipes I came across did not appeal to me.  Lots of ingredients and they looked too complex to make while distracted by kidlets running amuck.  Then, I found the recipe below at Buns in My Oven, and had to give it a try.   

Creamy Cauliflower (fake potato) Salad

1 head cauliflower
2 hard boiled eggs
1/3 c mayo
1 tbsp prepared yellow mustard
1 tbsp relish
2 tsp finely chopped onions
1 tsp dill
1 tsp chives
1 tsp white vinegar
1/2 tsp each salt and pepper

1.  Prepare cauliflower by washing and cutting into bite sized (or slightly smaller) pieces.
2.  Steam until tender crisp, then refrigerate. 
3.  Combine chopped hard boiled eggs and cauliflower.
4.  Combine remaining ingredients and fold into cauliflower and egg mixture.
5.  Chill and serve.

What drew me to this recipe was the comment that it tastes like potato salad, but has a slightly different texture.  Perfect for me, and I can confirm 100% true!  I love this salad, and there were no tweaks required from the original recipe (other than that I used dried dill instead of fresh because it was what I had on hand).  The best part is that I feel good about feeding it to my family.  It's a great side for a sandwich, a burger, or to take on a picnic.  And, it's a great way to get a little more cauliflower into your diet.  Enjoy, and happy grilling! 

Simply Delicious - Healthy Shamrock Mock-Shake

It's been quite the week!  Little Smiling Man turned one over the weekend!!!  I'm still not even sure how that's possible, time is going so quickly.  We had a nice time celebrating as a family, and tomorrow are having some extended family for a visit to celebrate.  He's taking some early, tentative steps, is babbling up a storm and is into everything.  He really is awesome.

At the same time, my maternity leave is rapidly drawing to a close, so our days at the moment are chocked full of appointments.  Mini Muffin had a very successful dental check up, Little Smiling Man will be going to his 12 month well baby check up, and I'm also due for the dentist and a trip to the bank to talk mortgages.  Busy times!

Spring is also upon us, which is drawing me back to summery things... like smoothies.  Mini Muffin hasn't been doing very well with her veggies lately, so I've been trying to get more innovative.  And so, today I'm sharing our long standing favourite Shamrock Mock-Shake.  Kinda timely with St Patrick's Day around the corner as well!  Super easy, and definitely toddler and preschooler approved.  Due to the presence of honey, this recipe is not appropriate for babies under one year.

Healthy Shamrock Mock-Shake

Perfect Afternoon Snack!

1 large handful of baby spinach
1 1/2 cups milk of choice (we use almond milk)
1 small (or 1/2 medium) ripe avocado
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp peppermint extract
honey (to taste)
ice

1.  In blender, add spinach then pour milk over top.  Blend until no spinach chunks remain.
2.  Add remaining ingredients, except ice, and blend. 
3.  Add ice and blend until smooth.  Serve immediately.

And just like that, both you and your littles can enjoy a seasonal, refreshing and creamy smoothie complete with a good dose of spinach and healthy fats from avocado.  And, I must say, it makes a great afternoon snack!

Switching Places

With my health challenges in February, my husband spent a lot more time as the primary caregiver for Mini Muffin and Little Smiling Man than usual.  Don't get me wrong; he is always an involved parent, but there's a big difference between being an involved parent who leaves the home to work five days a week before the kids are up in the morning, and being a primary caregiver who spends every waking moment with the kids. 

Fairly early in the process (when I wasn't able to contribute to their care at all aside from nursing), I came downstairs for lunch one day.  All morning I'd been hearing various levels of whining, interactions between the kids, and general hoopla.  As I entered the kitchen and course corrected Mini Muffin from pushing her brother, my husband said "Welcome to my day...", thought for a second and added "Of course you might just call this an average Tuesday...".  To me, it didn't sound like an average Tuesday, but it did sound like the kids testing the boundaries to see exactly where they lay while Mama wasn't around.  And sometimes, on a not so average Tuesday, that's my experience too.  Regardless, it was nice to hear the acknowledgement that parenting is tough sometimes.  While my husband has always recognised this, sometimes it's truly powerful to experience it for yourself.

As his time at home continued, they definitely got in a groove and I was able to help more and more.  My husband started planning activities more proactively, and also became more strict about screen time, making for lots of family fun time.  I think my husband experienced some of the awesome things - the snuggles, the play, the smiles and laughs.  He also got to experience some of the tougher aspects for himself - a tough night of teething leading to both parent and baby being exhausted, and still needing to start the day with your toddler and find patience through your own exhaustion. 

Last weekend, we also did an impromptu switching of places.  We went out for a family brunch, and instead of our usual arrangement of me sitting with Little Smiling Man and him sitting with Mini Muffin, we changed it up.  I think the original arrangement was just a remnant from the early days when we couldn't get through a meal without my needing to nurse the little guy, but regardless we'd never changed it!  When Mini Muffin's meal came, I cut it up and got her going, and then turned to enjoy my own meal while my husband kept the flow of food going for Little Smiling Man.  I didn't think much of it until the end of the meal when my husband said "Well, I think I now have a bit of appreciation for what it's usually like for you when we eat out".  I had no idea what he meant until he explained to me that he was used to getting Mini Muffin set and then enjoying his own meal.  But, when we had Little Smiling Man in his charge he was constantly needing to stop eating his own meal in order to cut up fruit or toast or cheese, that his fingers were sticky from the fruit, and that there weren't nearly enough napkins.  I think I actually laughed, I'd never even thought about it, but it was all so true!  I told him to just wait until Little Smiling Man is potty training and desperately needs a washroom break just as you're picking up your knife and fork for a lovely hot meal.  It happens all the time to me with Mini Muffin!

On reflection, switching places has been really good for us.  It's helped us appreciate each others norms, and has definitely helped improve our empathy towards each other.  I know what it's like to be away from the kids for the day and only get a short time with them, and my husband knows how long a day can be with two little ones who need you for everything.  He also knows how much fun it is when you get your stride and everyone is having fun; there's truly nothing better! 

Kid's Clothes Shopping Spree for Less

Last week I realised that both kids have gone through a growth spurt.  Mini Muffin has grown 2" in the last two months and her 3T shirts are quickly becoming belly shirts.  Little Smiling Man's 12 month sized pants are looking more like capris, and he's popping snaps on his 12 month onesies.  It truly is incredible how quickly these kids grow!

As I started packing away the too small clothes, and pulling out the gifts, hand-me-downs, and previous purchases of the next sized up clothing, it quickly became apparent that neither Mini Muffin nor Little Smiling Man had nearly enough clothing for the coming weeks or months... or until the next growth spurt strikes!

So, on Friday I headed to my favourite consignment store to shore up my supplies of kid's clothes.  I can't even pretend to enjoy shopping, and the thought of consignment shopping has always sent a shiver of fear through me - wading through crowded, disorganised racks of clothing in poor condition, searching for the gems.  Thankfully, about a year ago I found my kind of consignment store.  It's well organised and spacious, and they only buy new or very gently used quality clothing. 

Little Smiling Man scoping out the toy section

They price according to type of clothing, and regularly have clearance sales to keep their store from becoming over crowded with unpopular items.  It's fantastic not having to carefully inspect each item, and the organisation and pricing scheme makes it easy to shop, and even to be picky about brands.  When I have lots of time, I almost enjoy sifting through for amazing finds from Baby Gap, Carter's and Children's Place.

Unfortunately, when I went shopping on Friday, Little Smiling Man was not in the mood to stay still, and was very much enjoying wiggling away from me, crawling around corners, down aisles, and generally keeping me nicely distracted from the task at hand.

As a result, my shop was hurried, and I was less discerning than normal so there were more "expensive" (aka $4) purchases in my pile than normal.  At the till, I had a bit of a shock when the total came to $75!!  That is, until I looked at my huge bag of purchases, all name brand, and started estimating the retail value.  I'm confident that I enjoyed massive savings, for a total of 27 high quality kid's clothing items, and was so excited I had to share!



So, for a grand total of $75, I was able to purchase the following -

Girl's 4T:

Girl's 4T

• 1 sundress
• 1 summer skirt
• 1 overall style dress
• 2 pairs of pants
• 1 fleece jacket (dressy)
• 1 sweatshirt
• 1 hat
• 6 long sleeved shirts

The highlight purchases were:

• Osh Kosh brand dress in new condition - $4
• Dressy fleece jacket from Old Navy in new condition - $4
• Big Hero 6 shirt featuring Honey Lemon - $1
• Disney brand Frozen sweatshirt for my little Frozen fiend - $2

Boy's 18-24 Months:

Boy's 18-24 Months

• 1 3pc fleece outfit
• 1 2pc outfit
• 1 spring jacket
• 1 hooded sweater
• 2 short sleeved rompers
• 2 long sleeved rompers
• 1 short sleeved shirt
• 2 long sleeved shirts
• 1 swimsuit
• 1 hat

The highlight purchases were:

• 3pc Carter's fleece outfit in new condition; we had the same one in the 12 month size and I loved it.  So happy to find another for only $4 instead of its original $20 retail price!
• Spring jacket in new condition - $3
• Brimmed summer hat with chin strap, new condition - $1

With the cheapest items likely running around $8 new, and the more expensive items being in the $20 range, I estimate that the average retail price for these items would be around $14, putting the total value of my purchases at about $380 (not including taxes) and nearly $430 including HST. 

I must say that an estimated 80%+ savings on items we need is not bad for half an hour's distracted shopping!  Next time I'll have to find time to go solo and see what finds I can find!   

Easy Win - Three Food Group Oatmeal Breakfast for Baby

After a difficult February, including the devastating first trimester loss of Little Smiling Man's precious little sibling, March has arrived with all of us on a more even keel.

Yesterday, I spent some time in my favourite baby cookbook - "Better Baby Food" by Kalnins and Saab, looking for inspiration to help dig Little Smiling Man out of his toast-with-Laughing-Cow-cheese-for-breakfast-food-rut.  I did find inspiration and made it my own, and so I'm happy to share with you my easy, healthy, three food group oatmeal breakfast for baby!  I love slipping veggies in unexpected places like breakfast or dessert, so this breakfast features veggies, dairy and grains.

Three Food Group Oatmeal Baby Breakfast

1/4 c quick cook oats
1/2 c 2% or homo milk
1/4 - 1/3 c roasted butternut squash, mashed

1.  Combine oats and milk in a small saucepan.
2.  Bring to a boil on medium-high heat, reduce heat to simmer.
3.  Cook until thickened, about three minutes.
4.  Add well mashed squash.
5.  Allow oatmeal to cool to baby temperature, and serve.

Makes 2-3 baby servings.  Appropriate for babies 8 months and older.  To reheat, add a little more milk to maintain texture.

Three Food Group Oatmeal Baby Breakfast

That's it!  Super easy, and a healthy way to start the day, or finish off dinner.  Little Smiling Man is a fan, and I'm a fan of getting a head start on our daily veggie quota.  In future we'll try mixing it up, maybe trying sweet potatoes or carrots.  But for now, aside from having to deal with clean up of a little boy with oatmeal plastered in his hair, I'd say this low effort meal is an easy win!