Sleep Update

Last night, I slept through the night!!!

This is not a milestone I expected to celebrate with one and (almost) three year olds, but a significant event it turned out to be. 

Here's why -

After getting his allergies under control in January, Little Smiling Man quickly got into a great sleep groove.  To recap, before we started actively managing his allergies, he was one itchy little guy.  He'd go to sleep pretty easily between seven and eight, probably due to sheer exhaustion.  Four hours later he'd be up, and he'd be up pretty much every hour until morning.  Sometimes it would take a good hour to resettle him, only for him to sleep an hour and be up again.  After nine months I was one sleepy mama!  Within a week of starting antihistamines, he went to bed even more easily, and was up maybe once a night.  Two weeks later he was able to sleep 11h straight most nights.  The change was amazing!

Then, two weeks ago my little guy got sick.  He had a nasty gastro bug that gave him tummy pains, and after three days that transitioned into less tummy distress with a high fever.  All in all, it was nearly a week of illness, and a week of him needing parental intervention from about 1am until morning.  He wanted comfort, to be held, to be rocked, etc.  It made for a very tiring experience for all of us, but he's been better for about four days now, hooray!

Breaking the nighttime comfort habit took a lot of willpower on my part.  We were all so tired from being up half the night for a week that the easiest thing to do would have been to give him what he wanted and spend the night dozing with him in a recliner so we all could get some rest.  But, instead we mustered up our strength and settled, and resettled and re-resettled him in his crib until he realised that the nighttimes of being held for hours are over.  The first night it took two exhausting hours, the second night it took one hour, then fifteen minutes.  Last night was golden - back to sleeping through the night!  Ahhh!

On the Mini Muffin front, bedtime continues to be a challenge.   I've previously written about our naptime power struggles, and her general need for comfort and having a parent with her to fall asleep.  We tried extending the strategy to bedtime, going through our routine and then letting her do what she wanted (so long as it was quiet and in her room) until she was ready to sleep.  It was an epic failure.  Mini Muffin really enjoys playing independently, so we ended up pulling the plug on the whole philosophy when after a week she was consistently still playing at 11pm when we'd go in and insist it was bedtime.  So, the bedtime process continues to be long (minimum of an hour, and often two) and full of frustration. 

My husband usually handles her bedtime, and they're pretty good at winding each other up, which also exacerbates the situation.  Last week, I interjected one night when it was becoming clear that my husband needed a break.  I tried something new and gave her a flashlight.  I told her that she could play with it until she was ready to sleep, but that she had to do it quietly and stay in her bed.  The consequence of not following that direction was that she'd lose the flashlight.  It's been almost a week now, and it's working wonderfully!  We do her bedtime routine of vitamin, pjs, teeth and face, good night to myself and her brother, stories with daddy ending with "Night Night Little Pookie", and then lights out.  We ask if she's ready to go to sleep (one night the answer was actually yes!), and if the answer is no, she's offered the flashlight.  My husband then leaves the room.  When she's ready to sleep she calls for one of us, and we put away the flashlight, tuck her in, start some white noise, and hold her hand for a few minutes until she drifts off.  Without an audience, and being fairly still and in the dark, flashlight time seems to help her settle down more quickly.  Without the frustration of sitting with Mini Muffin while she mucks around the tries to keep herself awake, we all have less frustration.  And since no one is getting frustrated, the calmer atmosphere seems to really help bedtime progress more quickly.  It's still a bit more of a production that I'd like, so there's still work to do, but overall we're all happier and Mini Muffin is sleeping on average half an hour earlier than she was!

I still find it amazing that my kids are so different in their sleep habits.  I did a few things slightly differently between them, but I think most of it is due to nature as opposed to nurture.  I continue to learn a lot along the way, and while our sleep situation (with Mini Muffin in particular) continues to have its moments of frustration, we really have come a long way!
  

Conversation with an Eight Month Old

Little Smiling Man has had a massive week!  He went from scootching with a bit of army crawl to a very efficient and speedy army crawl.  He also started properly crawling.  And, he learnt to sit up all by himself!  What a week! 

All of this new found freedom makes the world a very exciting place.  Combine this with what I expect may be a new tooth or two on the way, and the result is a sudden reluctance to nap (or sleep in general).  Ah, the joys of an overtired baby.  Of course little sleep, chasing him around the house and realising that a whole new level of baby proofing is required, has made for one busy mama!

On Friday, I found myself having a mental conversation with Little Smiling Man that I thought I would share.  Of course, for his responses I translated from babbles, screeches, whines and cries.  So, while not exact, the translation below gives a good overall flavour for our exchange.  For simplicity, I've shortened Little Smiling Man to LSM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mama: "LSM, it's time for a nap!"
LSM:   "But I don't want a nap."

*LSM rubs eyes*

Mama: "Yes LSM, it's time for a nap.  You're very tired, you've been up since 10:00 and it's now 2:00.  That is too long for someone as small as you.  We've tried to get you down for a nap since lunchtime and thus far have failed.  Now, no more excuses, it is time for a nap."
LSM:   "No.  I'm not tired."
Mama: "Yes, you are.  The bags under your eyes have become steamer trunks.  You are tired."
LSM:   "No.  I said I am not tired.  I want to crawl and explore."
Mama: "Napping will give you lots of energy for further exploration.  Just a little rest, and then you can get back to crawling and exploring."
LSM:   "Not. A. Chance.  I have been waiting my entire life to crawl.  Literally my entire life.  I am not stopping now.  I refuse to stop."

*LSM rubs his eyes and yawns*

Mama: "LSM, this is getting ridiculous.  Come have a cuddle with me.  We'll just relax and see if you drift off for a little rest."
LSM:   "Out of the question.  I must continue to move."

*LSM rolls onto tummy and starts rocking back and forth on all fours, then sits up and starts playing with Mama's sweater.  Mama keeps rubbing his back and trying to settle him.*

Mama: "<Sigh> We'll just hang out, and whenever you show the slightest move towards sleep, I will help you to nap."
LSM:   "You're in for a long wait, Mama.  I will not stop moving.  Ever."

.... 58 minutes later.....

LSM:  "Why do I feel so tired!?!  I just want to crawl and explore and crawl and explore.  Is that so much to ask!?!  Why, oh why do I feel so tired!?!?"

*LSM lies on belly, head down on his fists and starts to cry*

Mama: "Remember how I told you that a little rest would give you more energy for exploring?  You need a little rest for that, and to help you feel better.  Here, I'll rub your back."

..... 24 minutes later....

LSM:   "Zzzzzzz......"
Mama: "That was epic. Time to close my eyes!"

..... 34 minutes later....

LSM:   "Let me up!  Time to explore!  Time to see the world!  What did I miss?  What can I get into?"
Mama: "And it begins once again...."

Nap Time Power Struggles - Progress!!

As I mentioned in my "magic happens at daycare" post, nap time with Mini Muffin has been both a trial and a tribulation.  We ensure that she gets lots of physical activity, a good diet and lots of mental stimulation.  Yet, nap time has been tough.  I've had quite a few lucky days, where after driving the long way home she's fallen asleep in the car and could be transferred to her bed for a blissfully long nap.  But, on the days that didn't happen, it's been hours of frustration.

No two children are the same, and certainly what works sleep wise for one, may not work for another.  But, I thought I'd share a progress update on the napping front.  And, perhaps my discovery for Mini Muffin could also help with some other wilful toddler out there.

About two weeks ago, I'd officially had enough.  Enough frustration.  Enough yelling, screaming and crying (on both our parts).  And definitely enough of spending in excess of two hours out of my day trying to get my angel to give in to the nap that she so desperately needs.  It's classic toddler syndrome - tired and in definite need of a nap to recharge, but not wanting to miss a thing.  In addition, it became clear to me that she and I were locked in a power struggle.  As Mini Muffin asserts more independence, sometimes she just needs to rebel against her mama... even if she's very tired and in need of a rest and Mama is offering that rest.  The more I pushed for a nap, the harder she pushed against it and me.  The harder she pushed against me, the more wound up (and less likely to fall asleep) she got, which resulted in me pushing even harder for a nap, and on and on the cycle went. 

One Monday, henceforth referred to as Miraculous Monday, I decided not to push nap time.  We finished up lunch, and then headed upstairs as usual.  Potty break, curtains left partially open, special story (a long French animal book she loves but that Daddy won't read at bedtime), Gro clock, and then the chaos broke out (on her part).  I kept it together, and told her that she didn't need to nap, but she did need to stay in her room.  She could read, play, whatever she wanted, but it had to be quiet and it had to be in her room.  Then I left.  We had a couple of hours of mayhem, mostly involving her leaving her room, and me sending her back in.  Eventually she figured out that I really wasn't making her nap, had some quiet time with books and then... knocked at her door.  I answered it.  She crawled into bed, pulled up her covers and asked for a back rub.  Two minutes later she was asleep.

The next day she played for another two hours, but with no complaints or issues with staying in her room.  I kept an eye on her via the monitor.  Again, she knocked on the door when she was ready.  Zero frustration on my part!  Since then, the time she takes to settle varies from ten minutes to two hours.  Lately it's been more in the ten minute range.  Literally, the last three days she has finished her lunch, told me it's time for her nap and headed on upstairs.  Potty, curtains partially open, special story, Gro clock, and a back rub.  I've been back downstairs in ten minutes.  Flat. 

Who knew that not pushing a nap would result in an easier nap?  It's so counter intuitive to me!  My theory is that she feels in control of when she naps, and since it's her decision she's calmer and therefore able to fall asleep.  Or something to that effect.

A bit more about our new technique -

• Our routine stays the same up until the Gro clock is set.  From there, it varies based on her mood and readiness for sleep.
• At the first sign of fighting sleep, I remind her of the ground rules and leave. 
• If she takes a long time to settle, we do have a wake up time (to ensure night time sleep is possible). 
• If she didn't end up napping, bedtime would move up a bit. 
• There's no pressure to nap, but I do keep on eye on her via the baby monitor so I'm ready to respond when she's ready for her back rub (and therefore sleep).

It's nowhere near an exact science, but rather an art we're figuring out as we go along.  My vision is that it may also transition well to quiet time when she no longer needs a nap.  We're also considering trying it out at bedtime.  I've heard of crazy people who don't make their kids go to bed, but instead just have a set time after which they have to stay in their room.  It seems so strange to me, but perhaps it's a technique that works with Mini Muffin's personality.  Time will tell!

I'm sure it won't work forever, but it's working now, and I am so grateful to have a truce in the nap time power struggles.