Switching Places

With my health challenges in February, my husband spent a lot more time as the primary caregiver for Mini Muffin and Little Smiling Man than usual.  Don't get me wrong; he is always an involved parent, but there's a big difference between being an involved parent who leaves the home to work five days a week before the kids are up in the morning, and being a primary caregiver who spends every waking moment with the kids. 

Fairly early in the process (when I wasn't able to contribute to their care at all aside from nursing), I came downstairs for lunch one day.  All morning I'd been hearing various levels of whining, interactions between the kids, and general hoopla.  As I entered the kitchen and course corrected Mini Muffin from pushing her brother, my husband said "Welcome to my day...", thought for a second and added "Of course you might just call this an average Tuesday...".  To me, it didn't sound like an average Tuesday, but it did sound like the kids testing the boundaries to see exactly where they lay while Mama wasn't around.  And sometimes, on a not so average Tuesday, that's my experience too.  Regardless, it was nice to hear the acknowledgement that parenting is tough sometimes.  While my husband has always recognised this, sometimes it's truly powerful to experience it for yourself.

As his time at home continued, they definitely got in a groove and I was able to help more and more.  My husband started planning activities more proactively, and also became more strict about screen time, making for lots of family fun time.  I think my husband experienced some of the awesome things - the snuggles, the play, the smiles and laughs.  He also got to experience some of the tougher aspects for himself - a tough night of teething leading to both parent and baby being exhausted, and still needing to start the day with your toddler and find patience through your own exhaustion. 

Last weekend, we also did an impromptu switching of places.  We went out for a family brunch, and instead of our usual arrangement of me sitting with Little Smiling Man and him sitting with Mini Muffin, we changed it up.  I think the original arrangement was just a remnant from the early days when we couldn't get through a meal without my needing to nurse the little guy, but regardless we'd never changed it!  When Mini Muffin's meal came, I cut it up and got her going, and then turned to enjoy my own meal while my husband kept the flow of food going for Little Smiling Man.  I didn't think much of it until the end of the meal when my husband said "Well, I think I now have a bit of appreciation for what it's usually like for you when we eat out".  I had no idea what he meant until he explained to me that he was used to getting Mini Muffin set and then enjoying his own meal.  But, when we had Little Smiling Man in his charge he was constantly needing to stop eating his own meal in order to cut up fruit or toast or cheese, that his fingers were sticky from the fruit, and that there weren't nearly enough napkins.  I think I actually laughed, I'd never even thought about it, but it was all so true!  I told him to just wait until Little Smiling Man is potty training and desperately needs a washroom break just as you're picking up your knife and fork for a lovely hot meal.  It happens all the time to me with Mini Muffin!

On reflection, switching places has been really good for us.  It's helped us appreciate each others norms, and has definitely helped improve our empathy towards each other.  I know what it's like to be away from the kids for the day and only get a short time with them, and my husband knows how long a day can be with two little ones who need you for everything.  He also knows how much fun it is when you get your stride and everyone is having fun; there's truly nothing better!